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Lambs in Wolves' Clothing
A few years ago, Abby’s idea of the perfect dress was anything pink or frilly that came with a matching hat. But for her first high school formal, she wanted to look stylish and sophisticated—a reasonable expectation that I thought would be easy enough to meet. We headed off to the mall with high hopes of getting that wonderful outfit that would make her look beautiful and me feel proud and a bit melancholy that my little girl is indeed growing up. It didn’t take long for us to realize our ‘dress quest’ was going to be much more difficult than we had anticipated. Most of the garments designed for girls Abby’s age looked like something you’d see on a Las Vegas showgirl, only skimpier and more revealing. Every dress had a plunging neckline or a slit up the side, see-through ‘peek-a-boo’ panels or a length so short that the girl wearing it wouldn’t be able to sit down without putting her underpants on display. There were strapless leopard-print gowns, skin-tight dresses of black spandex, red-sequined halter tops with matching miniskirts. And those were the modest outfits! At first we joked about the bizarre situation, with Abby holding up one atrocious frock after another, rolling her eyes and sarcastically asking, “How about this one? Would seeing this in my closet give Dad a heart attack?” We were both amazed at the many, many ways designers had come up with to make young girls look trashy, and shocked that we couldn’t find anything that didn’t insult even the most basic notions of decency. It really seemed like we had stumbled into some parallel universe where ripping away kids’ innocence was a laudable goal, accomplished largely via a shockingly-vulgar wardrobe. Abby and I made our way through the mall, noticing that this ‘bare it all’ look was not confined to formal attire. The shopping center was like a moving tableau of girls dressed like budding pin-up models and boys with pants sagging so badly we could read the labels on their underwear. No one seemed the least bit embarrassed or felt self-conscious about their clothing choices, not even the ones with obscene or crude expressions emblazoned across their too-tight T-shirts. I was saddened again that these get-ups—which would have shocked and mortified society just a few years ago—don’t even draw a second glance today. “I feel sorry for these kids,” Abby said quietly. “Because they look so awful?” I asked “No, because their parents let them go out looking like that.” I smiled, happy that Abby ‘gets it’ even if so many of her peers don’t. She understands that immodesty is not attractive, and that our bodies are not trophies to be flaunted, but gifts of our Creator to be cherished and respected. And she knows that it takes a lot of love to set down standards and establish rules, just as our Heavenly Father gives us guidelines not to limit us, but to allow us to reach our full sacred potential. I was cheered by the realization that there are surely lots of “Abbys” out there—teens and young adults coming of age in a hostile world but still true to the Faith that is itself ageless—and that gives me great hope for the future. Our day ended on a positive note. What could have been a fashion-fueled disaster became a ‘teachable moment’ where we shared thoughts on the importance of being modest, the role of parents in a permissive society and how expectations are a nod of respect. Abby eventually found a pretty dress—champagne satin with a black lace overlay—and we added a knit crop sweater to cover the spaghetti straps. She did indeed look very grown up, but still quite demure. And I got a preview of the woman Abby is becoming, not only how she’ll look, but who she’ll be. The incident reminded me of a something a priest once said during a sermon about modesty. He related a story about seeing a teenage boy walking on the beach beside his mother, who was clad in a string-bikini that left little to the imagination. “Seeing that woman, dressed like that, was an occasion of prayer for me,” Father said. “And that prayer was, ‘thank you, Lord, for sparing ME the embarrassment of ever having to walk around in public with my mother dressed like that when I was a teenager!’” Our kids are watching. Let’s give them words and examples that will sustain them through these ‘impossible years’ and that they’ll look back on fondly in the years to come. And let’s not lose heart, because God’s grace is everywhere, even at the mall.
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Copyright 2012 Miles Jesu. All rights reserved. | |
For many of us moms with teenager daughters, the month of May means going shopping for that ‘special dress’ for prom or graduation or some other gala event. Ideally, it should be a wonderful mother/daughter rite of passage, a shared moment of feminine adventure between generations. However as I recently learned with my 14-year-old Abby, finding suitable fashions for a young lass is no easy task in today’s ‘modesty-challenged’ world. In fact, it can be downright depressing.